When the female judge was introduced, I was not happy. Two old women wearing severe buns and glasses on the ends of their noses. I knew this would not be pretty. I had to change my strategy.
After the judge dealt with the high crimes perpetrators, she left the courtroom. I was flabberghasted! I had planned to approach the podium to speak with her, but now I had to deal [double entendre] with the Solicitor. When she called my name, I whispered to Larry, "How should I plead?" He was enjoying the spectacle and said, "Weren't you listening to the choices?"
I approached the Solicitor who moved papers on a table as she stood in front of the Judge's bench. She asked me my plea.
I answered, "Guilty with stipulations."
Solicitor: "There is no such plea. You can plea 'pre trial' as I mentioned earlier."
I was about to tell her that I never missed an episode of LAW AND ORDER, but instead I said, "Pre-trial." Whatever that meant.
When she asked why I was speeding that morning, I said I would speak quickly, and I did.
"Your Solicitousness, I called my 87 year old mother that morning to check on her, and my sister told me the emergency room attending physician said she had symptoms of Parkinson's disease and that my mother would undergo tests that week. I was told to call and speak with her later that day."
"I was rushing to travel the 45 miles to my first French class at Colony Square in downtown Atlanta. Besides being traumatized by my mother's condition, I was unfamiliar with the area around Colony Square. I drove onto 75 where the speed limit was 65 and was not aware when I entered the Perimeter that the speed dropped to 55."
"I was traveling with the pack. I noticed a small car shaped like a Mustang perpendicular to 75 and wondered why it was parked there. When I realized it was a State Trooper in a fast car, I adjusted my speed. Lights flashing, that car drove behind me, and I heard a booming voice, 'You are parked in an HOV lane. Move over!'"
"The kind officer asked me why I was speeding and I explained the events of that morning."
[I did not tell the Solicitor that the officer took 10 miles off my traveling speed so I would not be designated as a Super Speeder.]
She did not have a traffic offenses DMV report on me, thank heaven. Nor did she have the DMV report Larry had that showed I ran 3 stop signs in Forsyth County near the Marina. If she had, I was prepared to tell her that those signs were purchased from the lowest bidder and were not reflective at night.
The Solicitor dropped my $450 fine to $400 and told me I had to attend a traffic class. I asked if I could write a paper instead, as the Judge had assigned papers to each of the adolescent offenders. I explained that I was a writer.
She just glared at me. I promised to attend traffic school and pay the fine. She asked me to have a seat on the bench near the State Trooper who charged me. He looked like he was 15 years old. I sat next to him and said,"Good morning. I have already thanked you for dropping my speed to 79, but shouldn't you be out there catching more speeders? I didn't expect to see you this morning. Do you remember me?"
The officer said, "Good morning, Mam. And, incidentally, you were not traveling with the pack, you were leading the pack.The Solicitor will have good news for you. Have a nice day and remember, 'Speed kills.'"
The solicitor called me back to the table, handed me papers to sign, and said, "Is that your husband wearing that ALLSTATE shirt?'
I replied, "Yes, and you can imagine the recriminations I'll have to suffer forever."
She spoke directly to Larry, "I am quite certain you know how this works." Larry smiled.
She addressed me again. "None of this will reflect on your driving record, no points, no citation, if you attend the class, get sgnatures, return paperwork to the Clerk of court's office, and pay your fine. Now, you have a good day."
Thus was my education in courtroom rules and demeanor. I would hate to have a title such as Solicitor. It has so many different meanings.
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